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CarminaH - October 10th, 2010 9:54 AM

First of all I really do love my family. But some days I wonder why I even bother. No one seems to care about anything like I do. My kids have their own rooms, my husband has the basement and where is my space? no where. Even my car is shared with the kids. I don't want a perfect house but dang it..I want something to stay clean for more than 5 minutes.

I feel like all I am lately is a mom. I used to have a name. Dreams. A job. Now it seems all i will even be is Mom or wife. Don't get me wrong..I love it but I would also like to have my identity back please. I want to do more than just take care of two kids a husband and a home. Even if I did get a job (Cause you know being a SAHM isn't a real one) I would still be expected to take care of everyone else. My husband isn't going to have to leave his job if the kids get sick or hurt. I will still have to do the housework and help with homework, take the kids places etc.

My husband makes good money and is a hard worker. Compared to some people he does indeed do a lot around the house. But if the floor is sticky, he doesn't care. Dishes piled high.. doesn't really care. He tells me to figure out what will really make me fulfilled and do it. Problem is.. anything i want to do will cost money even if its just for a babysitter and I just don't want to hear the grumblings.

bobbielyn - October 11th, 2010 11:21 PM

you may need to take some time, maybe a one day vacation away from your family, like a day-off. all workers do have day-offs, so why don't you give yourself once in a month, just even once, away from the hustling routine you have everyday. you can go to your hometown, take some relaxing ambiance with your family and long lost friends, have some chit chat or take a long walk along the shore all by yourself, just to embrace the existence of life with you. every person needs a jest to refresh one's self, why don't you consider yourself?

EnergizerBunny - October 19th, 2010 4:27 PM

It sounds like you have a lot of things good on and need time to yourself. TAKE IT AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY. Tell your husband you are going to a support group, join the gym, take a few classes. If the dishes sit in the sink another day, oh well.

I recently started doing more by and for myself. My daughter is at an age where she doesn't need me 24/7. So I take a Zumba class once a week, have had a few girls night dinners, go running at the track, etc. I am even thinking about going back to school. Point is, it's important for you to get your time and your husband needs to have your back about it.

cutiemom - October 19th, 2010 7:32 PM

we moms do feel that quite often and it's a normal phase into this journey of being married and committed to our family. but remember, even the sun needs time to hide from us so are we human needs to hibernate ourselves a moment and find quality time to breath in and unwind.

kuntryGurl - October 20th, 2010 4:23 PM

Something in your posts struck me. I don't have bi-polar but I grew up with a mom who has bad depression. Then I got married at 19 and had suicidal drepression. Got rid of the BC and suicidal tendicies went away, depression not all the way.
I had 3 girls in 4years. When my 3rd was 1month old I started to have a mental breakdown- I was 25. I was loosing my mind, it is the only way I can explain it. It felt like demintia. As it turned out it was my pituarity gland wasn't working and I still have to fight depression. But it totally helped that now I am getting a life that doesn't always inclued my kids or husband. I go out with friends once a month and just have good fun. My husband & I do things alone without the kids. Don't get me wrong we do everything as a family but it is nice not to have any demands on yourself or to be taking care of someone else. And my husband has sent me on 2 girls only trips this year.

LennyLou - October 20th, 2010 4:24 PM

I have not read what everyone else has said but I can say that I totally get your post! Well I dont have bpd but the rest of what you said has me feeling pretty guilty for wanting to be more than "mommy"

However I do think you need to find the time for you, even if its just an hour to watch a grown up show that no one else is allowed to sit and watch with you or intrrupt.

I do know here at the local university you can audit a class...doesn't really count for anything but its a good way to get the "learning just to learn" itch scratched!

fairymary - November 11th, 2010 1:06 PM

I'm SO glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I am a stay at home mom too and my husband seems to think that it's a walk in the park and that I don't do anything all day. And all he does is go to work and do his online classes, he griped when I asked him to take out the garbage this morning! UGH

FilAmMum - November 11th, 2010 1:10 PM

At our house, my husband gets to be the "good guy" all the time because he's not the one yelling. That's unfair and sucks, too! I know how you feel. It's very frustrating, but you need some guilt-free YOU time!

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