Parent's feelings about their special needs child
Here are some feelings that
parents of kids with down syndrome, autism or Asperger's syndrome, ADHD and other medical conditions have expressed:
Disappointment
Shock and
loss are felt when a child with a disability is born and/or diagnosed. Although
parents may understand intellectually that somehow it may turn out to be a
good thing, it is natural to mourn. This kind of grieving is not necessarily
limited to the time of the child's initial diagnosis. Rather, parents can
experiences phases of disappointed feelings throughout the years. This is
because a child having a disability isn't something that just happens once. It's
something that goes on happening.
Denial
Initially, a parent
may disbelieve, deny or downplay the facts about their child's limitations. They
may tell themselves that nothing is wrong with their child. This is normal.
Anger
Anger may be taken out on
medical personnel, and can cause stress among family members.
Grief
Grief can be felt over the loss of
what the parent imagines the child might have been like.
Anxiety
Parents may wonder
what the future holds for this child. Will their son's condition worsen? Will
others accept and love their daughter?
Guilt
They can worry that
they caused their child's disability. Were they responsible in their choices?
Did family members and doctors make a mistake in caring for their child? Are they
being punished for wrongdoing? These nagging questions can fill parents minds
with guilt.
Confusion
Life may seem
like a fog. Normal patterns become disorganized. Suddenly there is so much to
do - medicals tests and therapies and appointments with psychologists and
social workers. Normal existence has become alien and exhausting.
Powerlessness
Parents
cannot go back to their simpler past. They can't change things. They may hope
for a miracle or quick fix. They may feel embarrassed by the need to rely on
others for help.
Rejection
They may
secretly wish for the child to disappear or die. This is a sign of depression. They might also reject the advice of doctors or other well meaning people.
Consumed Interest
A mother
or father can become intensely focused on a child with special needs, to the
point that other matters lack real meaning.
Fierce Love
A parent may
be amazed at how deeply he or she comes to love a child with disabilities.
