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LilMum - October 12th, 2010 8:13 PM

My son is 4.5 and He has been in preschool since 1 year ago, but changed preschools 2 weeks before the beginning of the school year (they are now 3 weeks into the school year)

He is an only child, so sharing is something he still needs work on. He is also a lot bigger than the other kids, and has an arch nemesis who keeps instigating problems with him. They say that my DS also instigates some of these, but I have only seen him react so far. Not saying it doesn't happen, I just haven't seen it yet, but I have seen half a dozen instances where the other boy was the instigator.

All this is background, though. Today I pulled up the cameras to see how he was doing, and he was sitting at a table separate from the other tables, and they were all doing a worksheet or coloring. My assumption is that they separated him from the group for some reason, but I have not heard the story yet. After they all finished and started getting things to play with, DS got up and was with some other kids on the rug, then another boy got a toy and sat down at the table with it. DS almost immediately walked over, picked it up and walked away. Ok, so this needs to be addressed. But the teacher came over, took it back and gave it to the first boy, then walked DS over to a table for timeout. He sat there for the next 30 minutes with no interaction from anybody, until it was time to get up and go to lunch.

I'd especially like to hear back from people who have worked preschool, but welcome any responses:

1) Am I overreacting in thinking that 30 minutes is too long of a timeout for taking a toy? (there was no pushing or other contact)

2) Is it appropriate if there were other offenses earlier in the day?

I'm a little torqued about him sitting there for 30 min, but I'd like to know if I'm being unreasonable about that before we go pick him up in about 20 min.

cassandra^^ - October 15th, 2010 12:40 AM

i think it is unreasonable and an inappropriate punishment. i would be alarmed with that, to be honest i am fine with timeouts but not that long, not comfortable with it.

TidySam - October 29th, 2010 6:29 PM

I agree that 30 minutes is way too long, regardless of what other instances there may have done earlier. School is supposed to be constructive, and to have no interaction or activity for so long just isn't teaching him anything except that school is dull and punitive. It also doesn't sound like the teacher talked with him or did anything to help him in learning how to deal with this kind of situation, like role playing or giving him words to use when he wants to use a toy someone else is playing with. Preschool and kindergarten should focus heavily on social skills like these, but if the teachers are only punishing and not teaching anything, kids (especially an only child) won't learn how to act appropriately. I'd be upset about the teacher's actions and the quality of the classroom environment overall.

TinyMommy20 - October 29th, 2010 6:30 PM

I have been a preschool/kindergarten teacher for 12 years and that type of "punnishment" was way too long and there should have been some discussion with the teacher and your DS. She should have gotten down to his level and talked to him and then involved the other child and talked with the 2 of them together. I don't know how you facilitate this change except maybe talking to the director about it.

As far as helping your DS dismiss looks and what not from another child that is hard. It's the whole sticks and stones saying.

Maybe if you talk to him about it and let him know what you saw on the camera and ask him why he did it. Talk to him about everything. Try to get some information about this other child as well. But don't give leading questions that will put thoughts in his head on how to answer you.

Talk about other ways to deal with situations like if so and so has a toy DS wants how could he play with it.....could they play together or maybe ask to have it when the other child is done with it etc.

wizzywigg - October 29th, 2010 6:34 PM

I think it may have been a little bit much. Kids tend to forget what happened quickly. I would have taken a away an immediate privilege from that same day. BUT you should observe some more, if it happens again, you should confront his teacher that you're not comfortable with what she's doing.

- November 12th, 2010 10:25 PM

I recommend you read "Bringing up boys" or "Bringing up girls" by Dr James Dobson. Trust me it will help especially when it comes to appropriate punishments.

Brionna - November 12th, 2010 10:25 PM

I recommend you read "Bringing up boys" or "Bringing up girls" by Dr James Dobson. Trust me it will help especially when it comes to appropriate punishments.

Brooke_MM - November 12th, 2010 10:27 PM

My little one gets timeouts usually for about 15mins and then we talk about why he's there and what he's going to do next time I ask him not to do something and all that .. it works great on him.

Camellia - November 12th, 2010 10:33 PM

In my experience, you can't keep using timeouts through out the day, otherwise it won't work. I suggest you only use really long timeouts when he has done a really big mistake. However, make sure to always get his attention on every offense he makes and explain to him why it was wrong. Explaining really helps.

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