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Tara1313 - October 5th, 2011 1:48 AM

My daughter is now 14 months and my doctor told me that I have PPD. I always thought it was about having negative thoughts about my baby or myself. I had no clue what I was feeling was PPD because who sleeps the first year --so my insomnia was normal, my crying --well I don't sleep, my always wanting my baby with me and when I would hand her to someone else (even my husband) felt like I was handing my heart to someone. I am not as bad, but my husband says that I cry more than the baby and I don't sleep. I try the natural way and it is getting better. I exercise and eat right. But women that don't have or haven't had ppd and I try to explain the above to them they look at me as if I have three heads. I feel more alone and feel like everyone thinks that I am a bad mom. I know that I am a good mom and that even though I have crazy feelings (like not wanting anyone to hold her) I still can rationalize and do let others hold her and I let her do things. Its my emotions that are getting to me.

I go to the library that has gatherings for moms and babies. I don't feel like I fit in, where before my daughter I was always the fun of the party-- I feel separated from these women. The outsider and it makes me cry more.

Does anyone know what I am feeling? Can you relate or am I alone here? I wish I could find playgroups in my area of women with PPD but I can't find any. I don't want to go to a therapist as I really just want to be around other women that can relate so I can feel normal again. IF that makes sense.



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